Kaab bin Malik reported,

Kaab bin Malik said:I never failed to accompany the Messenger of Allah ﷺ on any expedition he undertook, except for the expedition of Tabuk, though I had also stayed behind from the expedition of Badr. But the Prophet did not reproach anyone who missed Badr, since the Messenger of Allah ﷺ had set out only intending to intercept the caravan of Quraysh, and Allah brought them and their enemy together unexpectedly. I was indeed present with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ on the night of al-Aqaba when we pledged ourselves to Islam, and I would not exchange that occasion for being present at Badr, even though Badr is more famous among the people.Here is what happened in my case. I had never been stronger or more well-off than at the time I stayed behind from him on that expedition. By Allah, I had never before owned two riding camels at once until I owned them during that very expedition. Whenever the Messenger of Allah ﷺ intended an expedition, he used to disguise his true destination by mentioning another. But this expedition was different. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ undertook it in severe heat, facing a long journey, waterless wastes, and a numerous enemy. So he made the matter clear to the Muslims so they could prepare properly for their campaign, and he informed them of the destination he intended. The Muslims with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ were many, and no register kept track of them all (meaning the diwan).Kaab said, So scarcely a man wishing to absent himself thought he could remain unnoticed, so long as no revelation from Allah came down concerning him.The Messenger of Allah ﷺ launched that expedition when the fruits had ripened and the shade was pleasant. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ and the Muslims with him began their preparations, and I would set out in the morning intending to prepare alongside them, only to return without having accomplished anything. I would say to myself, "I am capable of doing it whenever I wish." Things continued like that until the people grew earnest in their preparations. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ set out one morning along with the Muslims, and I had not yet prepared anything for myself. I told myself, "I will prepare a day or two after him, then catch up with them." So I went out the morning after they had departed in order to prepare, but I returned having done nothing. Then I went out again and returned again with nothing accomplished. This continued until they had hastened far ahead, and the expedition had moved beyond reach. I considered setting off to overtake them, and I wish I had done so, but it was not decreed for me.Whenever I went out among the people after the Messenger of Allah's ﷺ departure and walked among them, it grieved me to see only men suspected of hypocrisy or those whom Allah had excused on account of weakness.The Messenger of Allah ﷺ did not mention me until he reached Tabuk. While sitting among the people at Tabuk, he asked, "What has Kaab done?"A man from Banu Salama said, "Messenger of Allah, his fine cloaks and his admiring glances at his own shoulders have kept him back."Muaz bin Jabal said to him, "What an evil thing you have said. By Allah, Messenger of Allah, we know nothing of him but good."The Messenger of Allah ﷺ remained silent.Kaab bin Malik continued, When I learned that he had set out on his return journey, distress overwhelmed me. I began rehearsing falsehoods, asking myself, "By what excuse shall I escape his anger tomorrow?" I sought counsel in this from every wise person in my family.But when it was said, "The Messenger of Allah ﷺ is on the verge of arriving," all falsehood vanished from my mind, and I knew that I could never escape this matter through any lie. So I resolved to tell him the truth.The Messenger of Allah ﷺ arrived in the morning. Whenever he returned from a journey, he would begin by going to the mosque, performing two units of prayer in it, and then sitting to receive the people. When he had done so, those who had stayed behind came to him, began offering excuses, and swore oaths to him. They were over eighty men. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ accepted their outward statements, took their pledge, sought forgiveness for them, and entrusted what was hidden in their hearts to Allah.Then I came to him. When I greeted him, he smiled the smile of one who is angry, and then said, "Come forward."I walked over until I sat before him, and he said to me, "What kept you back? Had you not purchased your mount?"I replied, "Indeed I had. By Allah, Messenger of Allah, were I sitting before any other man of this world, I would think I could escape his anger by some excuse, for I have been granted skill in argument. But by Allah, I know full well that if I were to tell you a lying story today by which you would be pleased with me, Allah would soon make you angry with me. And if I tell you a truthful account, even though you may be displeased with me on its account, I still hope for a good outcome from Allah. By Allah, I had no excuse. I have never been stronger or more well-off than at the time I stayed behind from you."The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, "As for this one, he has spoken truthfully. So get up until Allah decides about you."I got up, and some men from Banu Salama rose and followed after me, saying to me, "Woe to you. We have never known you to commit a sin before this. You were unable even to offer the Messenger of Allah ﷺ the kind of excuse the others who stayed behind offered him. The Messenger of Allah's ﷺ seeking forgiveness for you would have been enough to cover your sin."By Allah, they kept rebuking me until I wanted to go back and contradict myself. Then I asked them, "Has anyone else met the same fate as I have?"They answered, "Yes, two men. They said the same as you said, and the same was said to them as was said to you."I asked, "Who are they?"They replied, "Murara bin Rabi al-Amri and Hilal bin Umaya al-Waqifi."They mentioned to me two righteous men who had been present at Badr and who served as a model. So I went on my way once they named them to me.The Messenger of Allah ﷺ forbade the Muslims to speak with the three of us, out of all those who had stayed behind from him. So the people avoided us and changed toward us, until the very land seemed strange to me. It was no longer the land I knew. We remained in this state for fifty nights.As for my two companions, they submitted and stayed seated in their houses weeping. As for me, I was the youngest and most resolute of the three. I would go out and attend the prayer with the Muslims and walk through the markets, but no one would speak to me. I would come to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and greet him while he sat among his companions after the prayer, and I would ask myself, "Did his lips move to return my greeting or not?" Then I would pray near him and steal glances at him. When I became absorbed in my prayer he would look toward me, but when I turned toward him he would turn away from me.When the harshness of the people had gone on too long for me, I walked until I climbed over the wall of the garden of Abu Qatada, who was my cousin and the dearest of people to me, and I greeted him. By Allah, he did not return my greeting.I said, "Abu Qatada, I implore you by Allah, do you know that I love Allah and His Messenger?"He remained silent. I repeated my plea, and he stayed silent. I asked him a third time, and he said, "Allah and His Messenger know best."My eyes overflowed with tears, and I turned away and climbed back over the wall.While I was walking through the market of Madinah, suddenly a Nabataean from among the Nabataeans of the people of Syria, one of those who came to sell food in Madinah, was calling out, "Who can lead me to Kaab bin Malik?" The people began pointing him toward me. When he reached me, he handed me a letter from the king of Ghassan, and in it was written, "To proceed, it has reached me that your companion has treated you harshly. Allah has not placed you in a home of disgrace or waste, so come and join us, and we will console you."When I read it, I said, "This too is part of the trial." I headed straight for the oven and burned the letter in it.When forty of the fifty nights had passed, a messenger from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ suddenly came to me and said, "The Messenger of Allah ﷺ commands you to keep apart from your wife."I asked, "Shall I divorce her, or what should I do?"He said, "No, only keep apart from her and do not approach her."He sent the same instruction to my two companions. So I said to my wife, "Go to your family and stay with them until Allah decides this matter."The wife of Hilal bin Umaya then came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and said, "Messenger of Allah, Hilal bin Umaya is a frail old man with no servant. Do you object to my serving him?"He said, "No, but he must not approach you."She replied, "By Allah, he has no inclination toward anything. By Allah, he has not stopped weeping from the day this affair began until this very day."Some of my family said to me, "Why don't you ask the Messenger of Allah's ﷺ permission concerning your wife, just as he gave permission to the wife of Hilal bin Umaya to serve him?"I said, "By Allah, I will not ask the Messenger of Allah's ﷺ permission about her. How do I know what the Messenger of Allah ﷺ would say if I asked him about her, especially since I am a young man?"I remained in this state another ten nights, until fifty nights were complete from the time the Messenger of Allah ﷺ had forbidden anyone to speak with us. After I had prayed the dawn prayer on the morning of the fiftieth night, I was on the roof of one of our houses. While I was sitting in the very state Allah described, my soul felt constricted within me, and the earth, vast as it is, had become narrow upon me. Then I heard the voice of a caller who had climbed Mount Sal and was shouting at the top of his voice, "Kaab bin Malik, rejoice with good news!"I fell down in prostration, knowing that relief had come. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ had announced Allah's acceptance of our repentance after he prayed the dawn prayer, and the people went out to bring us the good news. Bearers of glad tidings went to my two companions, and a man rode a horse swiftly toward me, and a runner from Aslam ran and climbed the mountain, but the voice was faster than the horse.When the man whose voice I had heard came to bring me the good news, I removed my two garments and clothed him in them as a reward for his news. By Allah, I owned no others that day, so I borrowed two garments and put them on. I set out toward the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, and the people met me in groups, congratulating me on the acceptance of my repentance and saying, "May Allah's acceptance of your repentance bring you joy."Kaab said, until I entered the mosque, where the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was sitting with people gathered around him. Talha bin Ubaydullah rose and hurried toward me, shook my hand, and congratulated me. By Allah, no man from among the Muhajirun stood up for me other than him. I shall never forget that of Talha.Kaab said, When I greeted the Messenger of Allah ﷺ, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, his face shining with joy, "Receive the good news of the best day that has passed over you since your mother gave you birth."I asked, "Is this from you, Messenger of Allah, or from Allah?"He said, "No, it is from Allah."When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ was pleased, his face would shine until it was as if it were a piece of the moon, and we used to recognize that in him.When I sat before him, I said, "Messenger of Allah, part of my repentance is that I should divest myself of my wealth as a charity to Allah and His Messenger."The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said, "Keep some of your wealth for yourself. That is better for you."I said, "Then I will keep my share which is at Khaybar." Then I added, "Messenger of Allah, Allah has saved me only through truthfulness, and part of my repentance is that I shall speak nothing but truth as long as I live."By Allah, I do not know of any Muslim whom Allah has tested with truthful speech better than He tested me from the time I said that to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ until this day of mine. I have never deliberately told a lie from the time I said that to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ until today, and I hope Allah will preserve me in the rest of what remains of my life.Allah revealed to His Messenger ﷺ "Allah has indeed turned in mercy to the Prophet and the Muhajirun..." up to His saying "...and be among the truthful." [Tawba 9:117–119].By Allah, since Allah guided me to Islam, He has never bestowed upon me a blessing greater in my own estimation than my truthfulness with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ on that day, that I did not lie to him and so be destroyed as those who lied were destroyed. For Allah said about those who lied, when revelation came down, the worst that He has said about anyone. Allah said, "They will swear by Allah to you when you return to them..." up to His saying, "...for indeed Allah is not pleased with the defiantly disobedient people." [Tawba 9:95–96].Kaab said, We three were left behind from the affair of those whose excuses the Messenger of Allah ﷺ accepted when they swore to him, accepting their pledge and asking forgiveness for them. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ postponed our case until Allah decided concerning it. About this, Allah said, "And to the three who were left behind..." [Tawba 9:118]. What Allah mentioned of our being "left behind" is not our staying back from the expedition. Rather, it refers to his postponing our case and deferring our matter compared with those who had sworn an oath to him and offered excuses, which he accepted from them.

عن كعب بن مالك قال

لم أتخلف عن رسول الله ﷺ في غزوة غزاها إلا في غزوة تبوك، غير أني كنت تخلفت في غزوة بدر، ولم يعاتب أحدا تخلف عنها، إنما خرج رسول الله ﷺ يريد عير قريش، حتى جمع الله بينهم وبين عدوهم على غير ميعاد. ولقد شهدت مع رسول الله ﷺ ليلة العقبة حين تواثقنا على الإسلام، وما أحب أن لي بها مشهد بدر، وإن كانت بدر أذكر في الناس منها، كان من خبري أني لم أكن قط أقوى ولا أيسر حين تخلفت عنه في تلك الغزوة، والله ما اجتمعت عندي قبله راحلتان قط حتى جمعتهما في تلك الغزوة، ولم يكن رسول الله ﷺ يريد غزوة إلا ورى بغيرها، حتى كانت تلك الغزوة غزاها رسول الله ﷺ في حر شديد، واستقبل سفرا بعيدا ومفازا وعدوا كثيرا، فجلى للمسلمين أمرهم ليتأهبوا أهبة غزوهم، فأخبرهم بوجهه الذي يريد، والمسلمون مع رسول الله ﷺ كثير، ولا يجمعهم كتاب حافظ- يريد الديوان-. قال كعب: فما رجل يريد أن يتغيب إلا ظن أن سيخفى له، ما لم ينزل فيه وحي الله، وغزا رسول الله ﷺ تلك الغزوة حين طابت الثمار والظلال، وتجهز رسول الله ﷺ والمسلمون معه، فطفقت أغدو لكي أتجهز معهم، فأرجع ولم أقض شيئا، فأقول في نفسي: أنا قادر عليه. فلم يزل يتمادى بي حتى اشتد بالناس الجد، فأصبح رسول الله ﷺ والمسلمون معه ولم أقض من جهازي شيئا، فقلت: أتجهز بعده بيوم أو يومين ثم ألحقهم، فغدوت بعد أن فصلوا لأتجهز، فرجعت ولم أقض شيئا، ثم غدوت ثم رجعت ولم أقض شيئا، فلم يزل بي حتى أسرعوا وتفارط الغزو، وهممت أن أرتحل فأدركهم، وليتني فعلت، فلم يقدر لي ذلك، وكنت إذا خرجت في الناس بعد خروج رسول الله ﷺ فطفت فيهم، أحزنني أني لا أرى إلا رجلا مغموصا عليه النفاق، أو رجلا ممن عذر الله من الضعفاء، ولم يذكرني رسول الله ﷺ حتى بلغ تبوك، فقال وهو جالس في القوم بتبوك: ما فعل كعب؟ فقال رجل من بني سلمة: يا رسول الله، حبسه برداه ونظره في عطفه. فقال معاذ بن جبل: بئس ما قلت، والله يا رسول الله، ما علمنا عليه إلا خيرا. فسكت رسول الله ﷺ. قال كعب بن مالك: فلما بلغني أنه توجه قافلا حضرني همي، وطفقت أتذكر الكذب وأقول: بماذا أخرج من سخطه غدا واستعنت على ذلك بكل ذي رأي من أهلي. فلما قيل: إن رسول الله ﷺ قد أظل قادما زاح عني الباطل، وعرفت أني لن أخرج منه أبدا بشيء فيه كذب. فأجمعت صدقه، وأصبح رسول الله ﷺ قادما، وكان إذا قدم من سفر بدأ بالمسجد فيركع فيه ركعتين ثم جلس للناس، فلما فعل ذلك جاءه المخلفون، فطفقوا يعتذرون إليه، ويحلفون له، وكانوا بضعة وثمانين رجلا فقبل منهم رسول الله ﷺ علانيتهم، وبايعهم واستغفر لهم، ووكل سرائرهم إلى الله، فجئته فلما سلمت عليه تبسم تبسم المغضب، ثم قال: تعال فجئت أمشي حتى جلست بين يديه، فقال لي: ما خلفك؟ ألم تكن قد ابتعت ظهرك؟ فقلت: بلى، إني والله لو جلست عند غيرك من أهل الدنيا، لرأيت أن سأخرج من سخطه بعذر، ولقد أعطيت جدلا، ولكني والله لقد علمت لئن حدثتك اليوم حديث كذب ترضى به عني ليوشكن الله أن يسخطك علي، ولئن حدثتك حديث صدق تجد علي فيه إني لأرجو فيه عقبى الله، لا والله ما كان لي من عذر، والله ما كنت قط أقوى ولا أيسر مني حين تخلفت عنك. فقال رسول الله ﷺ: أما هذا فقد صدق، فقم حتى يقضي الله فيك. فقمت، وثار رجال من بني سلمة فاتبعوني، فقالوا لي: ويحك ما علمناك كنت أذنبت ذنبا قبل هذا، ولقد عجزت أن لا تكون اعتذرت إلى رسول الله ﷺ بما اعتذر إليه المخلفون، قد كان كافيك ذنبك استغفار رسول الله ﷺ لك، فوالله ما زالوا يؤنبوني حتى أردت أن أرجع فأكذب نفسي، ثم قلت لهم: هل لقي هذا معي أحد؟ قالوا: نعم، رجلان قالا مثل ما قلت، فقيل لهما مثل ما قيل لك. فقلت: من هما؟ قالوا: مرارة بن الربيع العمري وهلال بن أمية الواقفي. فذكروا لي رجلين صالحين قد شهدا بدرا فيهما أسوة، فمضيت حين ذكروهما لي، ونهى رسول الله ﷺ المسلمين عن كلامنا أيها الثلاثة من بين من تخلف عنه، فاجتنبنا الناس وتغيروا لنا، حتى تنكرت في نفسي الأرض، فما هي التي أعرف، فلبثنا على ذلك خمسين ليلة، فأما صاحباي فاستكانا وقعدا في بيوتهما يبكيان، وأما أنا فكنت أشب القوم وأجلدهم، فكنت أخرج فأشهد الصلاة مع المسلمين، وأطوف في الأسواق، ولا يكلمني أحد، وآتي رسول الله ﷺ فأسلم عليه وهو في مجلسه بعد الصلاة، فأقول في نفسي: هل حرك شفتيه برد السلام علي أم لا؟ ثم أصلي قريبا منه، فأسارقه النظر، فإذا أقبلت على صلاتي أقبل إلي، وإذا التفت نحوه أعرض عني، حتى إذا طال علي ذلك من جفوة الناس مشيت حتى تسورت جدار حائط أبي قتادة وهو ابن عمي وأحب الناس إلي، فسلمت عليه، فوالله ما رد علي السلام، فقلت: يا أبا قتادة أنشدك بالله هل تعلمني أحب الله ورسوله؟ فسكت، فعدت له فنشدته فسكت، فعدت له فنشدته، فقال: الله ورسوله أعلم. ففاضت عيناي وتوليت حتى تسورت الجدار، قال: فبينا أنا أمشي بسوق المدينة إذا نبطي من أنباط أهل الشام ممن يبيع بالطعام يصيح بالمدينة يقول: من يدل على كعب بن مالك؟ فطفق الناس يشيرون له، حتى إذا جاءني دفع إلي كتابا من ملك غسان، فإذا فيه: أما بعد فإنه قد بلغني أن صاحبك قد جفاك، ولم يجعلك الله بدار هوان ولا مضيعة، فالحق بنا نواسك. فقلت لما قرأتها: وهذا أيضا من البلاء، فتيممت بها التنور فسجرتها بها، حتى إذا مضت أربعون ليلة من الخمسين، إذا رسول رسول الله ﷺ يأتيني فقال: إن رسول الله ﷺ يأمرك أن تعتزل امرأتك. فقلت: أطلقها أم ماذا أفعل؟ قال: لا بل اعتزلها ولا تقربها. وأرسل إلى صاحبي مثل ذلك، فقلت لامرأتي: الحقي بأهلك فتكوني عندهم حتى يقضي الله في هذا الأمر. قال: فجاءت امرأة هلال بن أمية رسول الله ﷺ، فقالت: يا رسول الله، إن هلال بن أمية شيخ ضائع ليس له خادم، فهل تكره أن أخدمه؟ قال: لا ولكن لا يقربك قالت: إنه والله ما به حركة إلى شيء، وما زال يبكي منذ كان من أمره ما كان إلى يومه هذا. فقال لي بعض أهلي لو استأذنت رسول الله ﷺ في امرأتك كما أذن لامرأة هلال بن أمية أن تخدمه. فقلت: والله لا أستأذن فيها رسول الله ﷺ، وما يدريني ما يقول رسول الله ﷺ إذا استأذنته فيها وأنا رجل شاب. فلبثت بعد ذلك عشر ليال حتى كملت لنا خمسون ليلة من حين نهى رسول الله ﷺ عن كلامنا، فلما صليت صلاة الفجر صبح خمسين ليلة، وأنا على ظهر بيت من بيوتنا، فبينا أنا جالس على الحال التي ذكر الله، قد ضاقت علي نفسي، وضاقت علي الأرض بما رحبت، سمعت صوت صارخ أوفى على جبل سلع يقول بأعلى صوته: يا كعب بن مالك أبشر. قال: فخررت ساجدا، وعرفت أن قد جاء فرج، وآذن رسول الله ﷺ بتوبة الله علينا حين صلى صلاة الفجر، فذهب الناس يبشروننا، وذهب قبل صاحبي مبشرون، وركض إلي رجل فرسا، وسعى ساع من أسلم فأوفى على الجبل وكان الصوت أسرع من الفرس، فلما جاءني الذي سمعت صوته يبشرني نزعت له ثوبي، فكسوته إياهما ببشراه، والله ما أملك غيرهما يومئذ، واستعرت ثوبين فلبستهما، وانطلقت إلى رسول الله ﷺ فيتلقاني الناس فوجا فوجا يهنئوني بالتوبة، يقولون: لتهنك توبة الله عليك. قال كعب: حتى دخلت المسجد، فإذا رسول الله ﷺ جالس حوله الناس، فقام إلي كثيرا، فجلى للمسلمين أمرهم ليتأهبوا أهبة غزوهم، فأخبرهم بوجههسأخرج من سخطه بعدر، ولقد أعطيت جدلا، ولكني والله لقد علمت لئن حدثتك اليوم حديث كذب ترضى به عني ليوشكن الله أن يسخطك علي، ولئن طلحة بن عبيد الله يهزأ بي صاحبي ومتفقا، والله ما قام إلي رجل من المهاجرين غيره، ولا أنساها لطلحة، قال كعب: فلما سلمت على رسول الله ﷺ قال رسول الله ﷺ وهو يبرق وجهه من السرور: أبشر بخير يوم مر عليك منذ ولدتك أمك. قال: قلت: أمن عندك يا رسول الله أم من عند الله؟ قال: لا، بل من عند الله، وكان رسول الله ﷺ إذا سر استنار وجهه حتى كأنه قطعة قمر، وكنا نعرف ذلك منه، فلما جلست بين يديه قلت: يا رسول الله، إن من توبتي أن أنخلع من مالي صدقة إلى الله وإلى رسوله. قال رسول الله ﷺ: أمسك عليك بعض مالك فهو خير لك. قلت: فإني أمسك سهمي الذي بخيبر، قلت: يا رسول الله، إن الله إنما نجاني بالصدق، وإن من توبتي أن لا أحدث إلا صدقا ما بقيت، والله ما أعلم أحدا من المسلمين أبلاه الله في صدق الحديث منذ ذكرت ذلك لرسول الله ﷺ أحسن مما أبلاني، فاعتمدت منذ ذكرت ذلك لرسول الله ﷺ إلى يومي هذا كذبا، وإني لأرجو أن يحفظني الله فيما بقيت وأنزل الله على رسوله ﷺ {تاب الله على النبي والمهاجرين} [التوبة: ١١٧] إلى قوله {وكونوا مع الصادقين} [سورة التوبة: ١١٩] فوالله ما أنعم الله علي من نعمة قط بعد أن هداني للإسلام أعظم في نفسي من صدقي ورسول الله ﷺ أن لا أكون كذبته، فأهلك كما هلك الذين كذبوا؛ فإن الله قال للذين كذبوا حين أنزل الوحي شر ما قال لأحد. قال تبارك وتعالى {سيحلفون بالله لكم إذا انقلبتم} إلى قوله: {فإن الله لا يرضى عن القوم الفاسقين} [التوبة: ٩٥-٩٦]. قال كعب: وكنا تخلفنا أيها الثلاثة عن أمر أولئك الذين قبل منهم رسول الله ﷺ حين حلفوا له، فبايعهم واستغفر لهم وأرجأ رسول الله ﷺ أمرنا حتى قضى الله فيه، فبذلك قال الله: {وعلى الثلاثة الذين خلفوا} [التوبة: ١١٨] وليس الذي ذكر الله مما خلفنا عن الغزو، إنما هو تخليفه إيانا وإرجاؤه أمرنا عمن حلف له واعتذر إليه، فقبل منه.