Kaab bin Malik reported,

I never failed to join the Prophet ﷺ in any expedition he undertook until the expedition of Tabuk, except for Badr. The Prophet ﷺ never reproached anyone who failed to join Badr, because he had only set out intending to intercept the caravan, but the Quraysh came out to defend their caravan, and the two sides met without prior arrangement, just as Allah said. By my life, the most honored of the Messenger of Allah's ﷺ battles in the eyes of the people was Badr, but I would not have wished to have witnessed it in place of my pledge on the night of Aqaba, when we agreed together upon Islam.I never failed to join the Prophet ﷺ in any expedition he undertook after that until the expedition of Tabuk, which was the last expedition he led. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ gave the people permission to set out and ordered them to make ready their preparations for the campaign. This was at a time when the shade was pleasant and the fruits had ripened. Whenever he intended an expedition, he would seldom announce it openly, instead hinting at a different destination.Yaqub said, on the authority of the nephew of Ibn Shihab, "He would hint at another destination." Sufyan also narrated this to us from Muamar from Zuhri from Abdul-Rahman bin Abdullah bin Kaab bin Malik, and in his version he said, "He would hint at another destination."Then he returned to the narration of Abdul-Razzaq. He used to say, "War is deception." So in the expedition of Tabuk the Prophet ﷺ wanted the people to make their preparations, and I was at my most prosperous, having gathered two riding mounts. I felt myself more capable than ever of fighting and lighter of burden, yet at the same time I was inclining toward the pleasant shade and the ripe fruits.I remained in this state until the Prophet ﷺ set out in the morning, and that was on a Thursday. He loved to depart on Thursdays. So he set off in the morning, and I said to myself, "I will go to the market tomorrow, buy my equipment, then catch up with them."I went to the market the next day, but some of my affairs proved difficult, so I returned home and said, "I will go back tomorrow, Allah willing, and catch up with them." But again some of my affairs proved difficult. I continued like this until the sin became entangled with me, and I had stayed behind from the Messenger of Allah ﷺ.I began to walk through the markets and roam about Medina, and it grieved me that I could not see anyone who had stayed behind except a man suspected of hypocrisy. No one who stayed behind imagined anything but that his absence would go unnoticed, for the people were many and were not gathered in any register. The total number of those who stayed behind from the Prophet ﷺ was over eighty men.The Prophet ﷺ did not mention me until he reached Tabuk. When he reached Tabuk, he asked, "What did Kaab bin Malik do?"A man from my own tribe said, "Messenger of Allah, his two cloaks and his admiring himself in his own shoulders kept him behind."Yaqub said, on the authority of the nephew of Ibn Shihab, "His two cloaks and his admiring himself in his own shoulders."Muaz bin Jabal said, "What an evil thing you have said. By Allah, Prophet of Allah, we know nothing of him but good."While they were thus, suddenly they saw a man approaching, the mirage shimmering around him. The Prophet ﷺ said, "Be Abu Khaythama," and indeed it was Abu Khaythama.When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ had finished the expedition of Tabuk and turned back, and as he drew near Medina, I began to think how I might escape the Prophet's ﷺ anger, and I sought help in this from every shrewd person in my family. But when it was said, "The Prophet will be here in the morning," all falsehood departed from me, and I knew I could not be saved except through truth.The Prophet ﷺ arrived in the forenoon, prayed two units of prayer in the mosque, as was his habit on returning from a journey, then sat down. Those who had stayed behind began to come to him, swearing oaths and offering their excuses. He would seek forgiveness for them, accept their outward statements, and leave their inner thoughts to Allah .I entered the mosque, and there he was, sitting. When he saw me, he smiled the smile of one angered. I came forward and sat before him.He said, "Did you not buy your mount?"I said, "Yes, Prophet of Allah."He asked, "What kept you behind?"I said, "By Allah, if I were sitting before any other person besides you, I would have escaped his anger with some excuse, for I have been given skill in argument."Yaqub said, on the authority of the nephew of Ibn Shihab, "I would have thought I could escape his anger with some excuse." And in the narration of Aqeel, "I could escape his anger with some excuse." It also has, "But Allah will surely make you angry with me. If I tell you a truthful account, you may be displeased with me, but I hope for Allah's pardon in it."Then he returned to the narration of Abdul-Razzaq. "But I know, Prophet of Allah, that if I tell you today something with which you will be displeased, but it is the truth, I hope for Allah's pardon in it. And if I tell you today something that will please you, but it is a lie, Allah will soon inform you about me. By Allah, Prophet of Allah, I was never more prosperous nor lighter of burden than when I stayed behind from you."He said, "As for this one, he has spoken the truth. Get up until Allah decides about you."I got up, and some men of my tribe followed me, rebuking me. They said, "By Allah, we never knew you to commit any sin before this. Could you not have offered the Prophet ﷺ some excuse with which he would have been pleased? The Messenger of Allah's ﷺ seeking forgiveness for you would have covered your sin. You have placed yourself in a position where you do not know what will be decreed for you."They kept rebuking me until I was about to go back and lie about myself. Then I said, "Has anyone else said what I said?"They replied, "Yes. Hilal bin Umaya and Murara, that is, Ibn Rabia." They mentioned two righteous men who had witnessed Badr, in whom I found an example.I said, "By Allah, I will never go back to him on this matter, nor will I lie about myself."The Prophet ﷺ forbade the people from speaking to us three. I would go out to the market and no one would speak to me. The people had become strangers to us, as if they were not the same people we had known. The walls we knew had become strange, as if they were not the walls we knew. Even the earth had become strange, as if it were not the earth we knew.I was the strongest of my two companions, so I would go out and walk about the markets, come to the mosque and enter it, approach the Prophet ﷺ and greet him, then say to myself, "Did he move his lips returning the greeting?" When I would stand to pray near a column, I would face my prayer and he would look at me from the corner of his eye, but when I looked at him, he would turn away from me. My two companions broke down and began weeping night and day, never lifting their heads.While I was walking through the market, a Christian man came selling food, asking, "Who will direct me to Kaab bin Malik?" The people began to point me out to him. He came to me with a letter from the king of Ghassan. In it was written, "To proceed: I have learned that your companion has treated you harshly and pushed you away. You are not in a place where you should be wasted or humiliated. Come join us and we will console you."I said, "This too is part of the trial and the evil." I lit my oven and burned the letter in it.When forty nights had passed, a messenger from the Prophet ﷺ came to me and said, "Separate from your wife."I asked, "Shall I divorce her?"He said, "No, but do not approach her."Hilal's wife came and said, "Messenger of Allah, Hilal bin Umaya is a weak old man. Will you permit me to serve him?"He said, "Yes, but he must not approach you."She said, "Prophet of Allah, by Allah, he has no inclination toward anything. He has continued bowed down weeping night and day since this matter befell him."Kaab said, when the trial had grown long upon me, I scaled the wall of Abu Qatada's garden, and he was my cousin. I greeted him, but he did not return my greeting.I said, "I implore you by Allah, Abu Qatada, do you know that I love Allah and His Messenger?"He was silent. Then I said, "I implore you by Allah, Abu Qatada, do you know that I love Allah and His Messenger?"He said, "Allah and His Messenger know best."I could not contain myself and wept, then climbed back over the wall and out.When fifty nights had passed since the Prophet ﷺ forbade the people from speaking to us, I prayed the dawn prayer on the roof of one of our houses, then sat down, and I was in the state which Allah described, "the earth had become straitened upon them, vast as it was, and their souls were straitened upon them" [Tawba 9:118]. Then I heard a caller from the top of Mount Sal calling at the top of his voice, "Rejoice, Kaab bin Malik!"I fell down in prostration and knew that Allah had brought us relief. Then a man came riding swiftly on a horse to give me the good news, but the voice had been faster than his horse. I gave him my two garments as a reward for the good tidings, and I borrowed two other garments to wear.Our acceptance of repentance had been revealed to the Prophet ﷺ in the last third of the night. Umm Salama said that evening, "Prophet of Allah, shall we not give Kaab bin Malik the good news?"He said, "If we did, the people would crowd around you and prevent you from sleeping the rest of the night."Umm Salama had been kind and concerned for my situation, grieved by my plight.I went to the Prophet ﷺ, and there he was, sitting in the mosque with the Muslims around him. His face was shining like the moon. Whenever he was pleased about something, his face would shine.I came and sat before him. He said, "Rejoice, Kaab bin Malik, with the best day that has come upon you since your mother gave you birth."I said, "Prophet of Allah, is this from Allah or from you?"He said, "Rather, from Allah ."Then he recited to them, "Allah has surely turned in mercy to the Prophet, the Emigrants, and the Helpers," until he reached, "Indeed, Allah is the Accepter of repentance, the Most Merciful" [Tawba 9:117–118].He said, and concerning us was also revealed, "Fear Allah and be with the truthful" [Tawba 9:119].I said, "Prophet of Allah, as part of my repentance, I shall not speak anything but the truth, and I shall give away all my wealth as charity for the sake of Allah and His Messenger."He said, "Keep some of your wealth for yourself, that is better for you."I said, "Then I will keep my share which is at Khaybar."He said, "Allah has not bestowed upon me, after Islam, any blessing greater in my estimation than my truthfulness with the Messenger of Allah ﷺ when I was truthful with him, my two companions and I, that we might not be destroyed as those others were destroyed when they lied. I hope that Allah has not tested anyone in truthfulness in the way He tested me. I have not deliberately told a lie since, and I hope that Allah will preserve me in what remains of my life."

حدثنا عبد الرزاق قال حدثنا معمر عن الزهري

عن عبد الرحمن بن كعب بن مالك عن أبيه قال

لم أتخلف عن النبي ﷺ في غزاة غزاها حتى كانت غزوة تبوك إلا بدرا ولم يعاتب النبي ﷺ أحدا تخلف عن بدر إنما خرج يريد العير فخرجت قريش مغوثين لعيرهم فالتقوا عن غير موعد كما قال الله عز وجل ولعمري إن أشرف مشاهد رسول الله ﷺ في الناس لبدر وما أحب أني كنت شهدتها مكان بيعتي ليلة العقبة حيث توافقنا على الإسلام ولم أتخلف بعد عن النبي ﷺ في غزوة غزاها حتى كانت غزوة تبوك وهي آخر غزوة غزاها فأذن رسول الله ﷺ للناس بالرحيل وأراد أن يتأهبوا أهبة غزوهم وذلك حين طاب الظلال وطابت الثمار فكان قلما أراد غزوة إلا ورى غيرها وقال يعقوب عن ابن أخي ابن شهاب إلا ورى بغيرها حدثناه سفيان عن معمر عن الزهري عن عبد الرحمن بن عبد الله بن كعب بن مالك وقال فيه ورى غيرها ثم رجع إلى حديث عبد الرزاق وكان يقول الحرب خدعة فأراد النبي ﷺ في غزوة تبوك أن يتأهب الناس أهبة وأنا أيسر ما كنت قد جمعت راحلتين وأنا أقدر شيء في نفسي على الجهاد وخفة الحاذ وأنا في ذلك أصغو إلى الظلال وطيب الثمار فلم أزل كذلك حتى قام النبي ﷺ غاديا بالغداة وذلك يوم الخميس وكان يحب أن يخرج يوم الخميس فأصبح غاديا فقلت أنطلق غدا إلى السوق فأشتري جهازي ثم ألحق بهم فانطلقت إلى السوق من الغد فعسر علي بعض شأني فرجعت فقلت أرجع غدا إن شاء الله فألحق بهم فعسر علي بعض شأني فلم أزل كذلك حتى التبس بي الذنب وتخلفت عن رسول الله ﷺ فجعلت أمشي في الأسواق وأطوف بالمدينة فيحزنني أني لا أرى أحدا تخلف إلا رجلا مغموصا عليه في النفاق وكان ليس أحد تخلف إلا رأى أن ذلك سيخفى له وكان الناس كثيرا لا يجمعهم ديوان وكان جميع من تخلف عن النبي ﷺ بضعة وثمانين رجلا ولم يذكرني النبي ﷺ حتى بلغ تبوكا فلما بلغ تبوكا قال ما فعل كعب بن مالك فقال رجل من قومي خلفه يا رسول الله برديه والنظر في عطفيه وقال يعقوب عن ابن أخي ابن شهاب برداه والنظر في عطفيه فقال معاذ بن جبل بئسما قلت والله يا نبي الله ما نعلم إلا خيرا فبينا هم كذلك إذا هم برجل يزول به السراب فقال النبي ﷺ كن أبا خيثمة فإذا هو أبو خيثمة فلما قضى رسول الله ﷺ غزوة تبوك وقفل ودنا من المدينة جعلت أتذكر بماذا أخرج من سخطة النبي ﷺ وأستعين على ذلك كل ذي رأي من أهلي حتى إذا قيل النبي هو مصبحكم بالغداة زاح عني الباطل وعرفت أني لا أنجو إلا بالصدق ودخل النبي ﷺ ضحى فصلى في المسجد ركعتين وكان إذا جاء من سفر فعل ذلك ودخل المسجد فصلى ركعتين ثم جلس فجعل يأتيه من تخلف فيحلفون له ويعتذرون إليه فيستغفر لهم ويقبل علانيتهم ويكل سرائرهم إلى الله عز وجل فدخلت المسجد فإذا هو جالس فلما رآني تبسم تبسم المغضب فجئت فجلست بين يديه فقال ألم تكن ابتعت ظهرك قلت بلى يا نبي الله قال فما خلفك قلت والله لو بين يدي أحد من الناس غيرك جلست لخرجت من سخطته بعذر لقد أوتيت جدلا وقال يعقوب عن ابن أخي ابن شهاب لرأيت أن أخرج من سخطته بعذر وفي حديث عقيل أخرج من سخطته بعذر وفيه ليوشكن أن الله يسخطك علي ولئن حدثتك حديث صدق تجد علي فيه إني لأرجو فيه عفو الله ثم رجع إلى حديث عبد الرزاق ولكن قد علمت يا نبي الله أني إن أخبرتك اليوم بقول تجد علي فيه وهو حق فإني أرجو فيه عفو الله وإن حدثتك اليوم حديثا ترضى عني فيه وهو كذب أوشك أن يطلعك الله علي والله يا نبي الله ما كنت قط أيسر ولا أخف حاذا مني حين تخلفت عنك فقال أما هذا فقد صدقكم الحديث قم حتى يقضي الله فيك فقمت فثار على أثري ناس من قومي يؤنبونني فقالوا والله ما نعلمك أذنبت ذنبا قط قبل هذا فهلا اعتذرت إلى النبي ﷺ بعذر يرضى عنك فيه فكان استغفار رسول الله ﷺ سيأتي من وراء ذنبك ولم تقف نفسك موقفا لا تدري ماذا يقضى لك فيه فلم يزالوا يؤنبونني حتى هممت أن أرجع فأكذب نفسي فقلت هل قال هذا القول أحد غيري قالوا نعم هلال بن أمية ومرارة يعني ابن ربيعة فذكروا رجلين صالحين قد شهدا بدرا لي فيهما يعني أسوة فقلت والله لا أرجع إليه في هذا أبدا ولا أكذب نفسي ونهى النبي ﷺ الناس عن كلامنا أيها الثلاثة قال فجعلت أخرج إلى السوق فلا يكلمني أحد وتنكر لنا الناس حتى ما هم بالذين نعرف وتنكرت لنا الحيطان التي نعرف حتى ما هي الحيطان التي نعرف وتنكرت لنا الأرض حتى ما هي الأرض التي نعرف وكنت أقوى أصحابي فكنت أخرج فأطوف بالأسواق وآتي المسجد فأدخل وآتي النبي ﷺ فأسلم عليه فأقول هل حرك شفتيه بالسلام فإذا قمت أصلي إلى سارية فأقبلت قبل صلاتي نظر إلي بمؤخر عينيه وإذا نظرت إليه أعرض عني واستكان صاحباي فجعلا يبكيان الليل والنهار لا يطلعان رءوسهما فبينا أنا أطوف السوق إذا رجل نصراني جاء بطعام يبيعه يقول من يدل على كعب بن مالك فطفق الناس يشيرون له إلي فأتاني وأتاني بصحيفة من ملك غسان فإذا فيها أما بعد فإنه بلغني أن صاحبك قد جفاك وأقصاك ولست بدار مضيعة ولا هوان فالحق بنا نواسيك فقلت هذا أيضا من البلاء والشر فسجرت لها التنور وأحرقتها فيه فلما مضت أربعون ليلة إذا رسول من النبي ﷺ قد أتاني فقال اعتزل امرأتك فقلت أطلقها قال لا ولكن لا تقربنها فجاءت امرأة هلال فقالت يا رسول الله إن هلال بن أمية شيخ ضعيف فهل تأذن لي أن أخدمه قال نعم ولكن لا يقربنك قالت يا نبي الله ما به حركة لشيء ما زال مكبا يبكي الليل والنهار منذ كان من أمره ما كان قال كعب فلما طال علي البلاء اقتحمت على أبي قتادة حائطه وهو ابن عمي فسلمت عليه فلم يرد علي فقلت أنشدك الله يا أبا قتادة أتعلم أني أحب الله ورسوله فسكت ثم قلت أنشدك الله يا أبا قتادة أتعلم أني أحب الله ورسوله قال الله ورسوله أعلم قال فلم أملك نفسي أن بكيت ثم اقتحمت الحائط خارجا حتى إذا مضت خمسون ليلة من حين نهى النبي ﷺ الناس عن كلامنا صليت على ظهر بيت لنا صلاة الفجر ثم جلست وأنا في المنزلة التي قال الله عز وجل قد ضاقت علينا الأرض بما رحبت وضاقت علينا أنفسنا إذ سمعت نداء من ذروة سلع أن أبشر يا كعب بن مالك فخررت ساجدا وعرفت أن الله قد جاءنا بالفرج ثم جاء رجل يركض على فرس يبشرني فكان الصوت أسرع من فرسه فأعطيته ثوبي بشارة ولبست ثوبين آخرين وكانت توبتنا نزلت على النبي ﷺ ثلث الليل فقالت أم سلمة عشيتئذ يا نبي الله ألا نبشر كعب بن مالك قال إذا يحطمنكم الناس ويمنعونكم النوم سائر الليلة وكانت أم سلمة محسنة محتسبة في شأني تحزن بأمري فانطلقت إلى النبي ﷺ فإذا هو جالس في المسجد وحوله المسلمون وهو يستنير كاستنارة القمر وكان إذا سر بالأمر استنار فجئت فجلست بين يديه فقال أبشر يا كعب بن مالك بخير يوم أتى عليك منذ يوم ولدتك أمك قلت يا نبي الله أمن عند الله أو من عندك قال بل من عند الله عز وجل ثم تلا عليهم {لقد تاب الله على النبي والمهاجرين والأنصار} حتى إذا بلغ {إن الله هو التواب الرحيم} قال وفينا نزلت أيضا {اتقوا الله وكونوا مع الصادقين} فقلت يا نبي الله إن من توبتي أن لا أحدث إلا صدقا وأن أنخلع من مالي كله صدقة إلى الله عز وجل وإلى رسوله فقال أمسك عليك بعض مالك فهو خير لك قلت فإني أمسك سهمي الذي بخيبر قال فما أنعم الله عز وجل علي نعمة بعد الإسلام أعظم في نفسي من صدقي رسول الله ﷺ حين صدقته أنا وصاحباي أن لا نكون كذبنا فهلكنا كما هلكوا إني لأرجو أن لا يكون الله عز وجل أبلى أحدا في الصدق مثل الذي أبلاني ما تعمدت لكذبة بعد وإني لأرجو أن يحفظني الله فيما بقي